Martha Lask (Philadelphia PA)
PROJECTION------- A GIFT?
Recently, I have been thinking about “projection” as a gift we can give one another, in Authentic Movement, in our everyday lives together and in my role as consultant and “coach” in organization settings.
I can see “my projections” as a gift to another because to share my experience of another, as witness, (coach and consultant), and to own it as my experience emphasizes our differences as humans. Paradoxically, it also creates a powerful connection between us, because rich dialogue and connection becomes possible when people share their distinct perspective and experience of a particular event whether in movement or otherwise. Together we can construct meaning based on my projection and yours. We are not striving for truth and we are not interpreting. We are discussing the frames of reference that inform our assessments, examining our assumptions, and discovering how we make meaning of what we see. Through that we can learn about the different ways people see the world.
When someone shares his/her experience of me that is different then mine, another possibility may open for me. Another’s experience of my movement or story, carefully shared, is a gift. Been truly seen and attended to by another whether their experience resembles mine or not, creates a wonderful, satisfying connection.
AGREEMENTS TO CONSTRUCT IN ORDER TO HEAR PROJECTION AS A GIFT
But agreements must be in place for that connection to occur.
I. One is the notion that Aileen spoke about in her post: owning the different “parts of me”. I have been influenced by the work of John and Joyce Weir, pioneers in self development and self- differentiation, who taught what they called “percept” language: “Here is what is happening in me as I watch you…As I listen to you, I am reminded of the ….part of me. I have you be the xyz part of me”. So, in my view, in order to establish safety, we must have the agreement that we own our projections as our own experience, not an interpretation of the others’ actions.
II. Another agreement is that not everything needs to be spoken – that each of us will be mindful in speaking our experience and will choose carefully. As a listener, I must agree that what is said is said in good faith.
III. A third agreement is that we will check out responses with the other person after we speak. That is how we illuminate our differences and our commonalities. From there we make meaning together.
TEACHING THE "WITNESS STANCE IN ORGANIZATIONS" As a consultant and coach in organizations, I teach what I call the “Witness Stance” as the foundational skill within the context of team or peer coaching. First and foremost, the stance of witness is to create a compassionate non judging, non interpretive environment. But, how can we not form judgments? We constantly develop judgments to help us make sense of the world; it is the suspension of judgment of another as right or wrong, bad or good that is the gift of the witness stance. There are 2 quotes I use to help establish the environment:
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there."
Rumi 13th c Sufi
"The experience of being understood versus interpreted is so compelling you can charge admission."
B. Joseph Pine II
The Experience Economy
Quoted by Susan Scott in Fierce Conversations
I also use witnessing in my individual coaching work. I have felt tremendous freedom in allowing myself to have whatever experience I have when witnessing someone. Then, what I choose to offer depends first on my role vis a vis the person, and our agreements, (facilitator is different than therapist is different than peer). As a consultant, which parts of my experience would be helpful? What are the benefits of containing and not speaking? I, myself, have learned to be much more discerning; I contain much more. At the same time, I also venture more. I am more willing to speak from my heart about my experience, which is different than offering my impressions of the other person, or what we commonly think of as feedback.
I find this subject of projection continually interesting, as I debrief interactions in my personal and professional life.
© 2008 Martha I. Lask
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Showing posts with label projections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label projections. Show all posts
Authentic Movement, Projections
More about projections, in response to Elizabeth Reid
The subject of how to get the good out of our projections fascinates me: not just within authentic movement groups; but in the relationships between me and other people in daily life.
These relationships mirror those between my whole self and its many different inner parts (new ones coming all the time). It’s a question of which parts get identified with, and which parts get excommunicated. If something or someone ‘bugs’ me, and I identify with the upset part, I tend to exile the ‘something’ that bugged me and blame it. It’s Not Me. It’s his or her fault. A part of me, not the whole me, gets re-stimulated (a co-counseling term) by an old unresolved problem, or by seeing someone do or say something IT would NEVER do, or by comparing itself negatively to someone who does something better than IT could ever do. That part is ‘shen pa’ (a Buddhist term). IT has taken over my identity, or been put out onto another person.
One thing that helps me is to be careful about language. I learned this from Ann Weiser Cornell, a Focusing teacher, who wants us to distinguish between only using the word “I” to mean the whole self (which she calls ”Presence”), and calling it “something”, or “a part” when there is a sense that something urgent is disturbing us.
The fascinating aspect of all this, to me, is the prospect of taking that ‘something’ that got disowned and projected out onto another person, and mining the gold within it. Here’s one way I know to do it for myself by myself, which comes before dealing with projections within an AM group.
First, I need constant practice in being aware that I am my whole self (via meditation, AM, art, Focusing, etc) so that I know when something in me is shen pa, or re-stimulated. The whole me is curious and interested to explore that something, not get rid of it, trusting that there’s something of value in it.
I personify whatever IT is: I find its rhythm and do that physically. And its sound. I can role play it, and move like it. I write dialogs between IT and my Process Mind part, which is curious about IT’s fears and desires. I almost always draw IT, and often make figures of IT. Projection is the stuff of art.
All this is Process Work (Thank you, Arnold Mindell), mixed with Authentic Movement and art, that allows relationships to be worked out, no matter how difficult they may seem in the beginning. As Cornell says in her book, “The Radical Acceptance of Everything”, “There are no enemies within.”
©2007 - Aileen Crow
The subject of how to get the good out of our projections fascinates me: not just within authentic movement groups; but in the relationships between me and other people in daily life.
These relationships mirror those between my whole self and its many different inner parts (new ones coming all the time). It’s a question of which parts get identified with, and which parts get excommunicated. If something or someone ‘bugs’ me, and I identify with the upset part, I tend to exile the ‘something’ that bugged me and blame it. It’s Not Me. It’s his or her fault. A part of me, not the whole me, gets re-stimulated (a co-counseling term) by an old unresolved problem, or by seeing someone do or say something IT would NEVER do, or by comparing itself negatively to someone who does something better than IT could ever do. That part is ‘shen pa’ (a Buddhist term). IT has taken over my identity, or been put out onto another person.
One thing that helps me is to be careful about language. I learned this from Ann Weiser Cornell, a Focusing teacher, who wants us to distinguish between only using the word “I” to mean the whole self (which she calls ”Presence”), and calling it “something”, or “a part” when there is a sense that something urgent is disturbing us.
The fascinating aspect of all this, to me, is the prospect of taking that ‘something’ that got disowned and projected out onto another person, and mining the gold within it. Here’s one way I know to do it for myself by myself, which comes before dealing with projections within an AM group.
First, I need constant practice in being aware that I am my whole self (via meditation, AM, art, Focusing, etc) so that I know when something in me is shen pa, or re-stimulated. The whole me is curious and interested to explore that something, not get rid of it, trusting that there’s something of value in it.
I personify whatever IT is: I find its rhythm and do that physically. And its sound. I can role play it, and move like it. I write dialogs between IT and my Process Mind part, which is curious about IT’s fears and desires. I almost always draw IT, and often make figures of IT. Projection is the stuff of art.
All this is Process Work (Thank you, Arnold Mindell), mixed with Authentic Movement and art, that allows relationships to be worked out, no matter how difficult they may seem in the beginning. As Cornell says in her book, “The Radical Acceptance of Everything”, “There are no enemies within.”
©2007 - Aileen Crow
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