At the beginning of an Authentic Movement group (all women), I felt out of my body, inundated by real-life problems. I couldn’t move the way I normally like to move. I had overeaten. I was judging myself and my belly (which felt bloated and gassy) as too big and too fat - Busting out - Too soft and flabby- Tired- Not vital - Unlovable and untouchable.
In the movement session, I am trying to find my agility and my “dancers body”. I’m telling my body how it should be moving, but my body is continuing to feel the way it feels. Finally I give in to being where I am: swollen belly and breasts, feeling disconnected.
Gradually my body begins to express how different parts are feeling. They want to
be touched. My hands reach out to read and accept exactly how each part is feeling.
Through the wisdom of my hands, I have the sense of being connected to an ageless wisdom that knows exactly how to heal. I try a few undiscovered and exactly perfect touching techniques that have unexpected depth, nuance, rhythms, pressures, lightnesses, and off-the-body finger dances. The area being addressed kisses and is kissed in perfect unity.
It dawns on me that I have been doing this healing dance for others for twenty-five years! Why do I forget to do it for myself?
My hands remember they have the skill to hear and channel what my body is longing for. Touching and receiving become the meeting place where anything and everything can happen, especially the miraculous. My belly burps out its discomfort, and I am once again whole and healed by simply moving authentically.
Thank you to all who share these circles and these depths with me, and who continue to create safe spaces and havens of communal dance.
© 2010 August 7, 2010