First, I want to thank all my friends and colleagues for
their appreciative comments. Everyone should have such an opportunity – to be showered
with love and appreciation and to be able to process the feelings and thoughts that
arise.
At first I was delighted, and cynical. I thought, “Well, people die around my age. They’re expecting me to die soon, so I’m glad they’re giving
me a party now before I go, instead of a memorial after I’m gone.”
Then an odd saying popped into my mind. I don’t know where it came from: “Praise to the face is open disgrace”. I hunted it down on Google. It was Hemingway’s response to what he
thought was excessive praise for his own war heroism. He said that all the soldiers deserved praise for their heroism, not just one person. Hemingway was glorifying war, but there is something about singling out one person for attention among such a
sensational group as ours. And just recently, I read a quote from Marilyn
Monroe, “Everyone’s a star and deserves the right to twinkle.” And for sure,
our Authentic Movement community is full of amazingly wonderful stars, each one
deserving special attention.
I have “belonged” to many groups in my life, many of which
gradually became Insider/Outsider pyramid clubs with increasing degrees of
certification and fights over who’s in and who’s out. I am proud to belong to this loose group of
uncertified, high quality Authentic Movers and Somatic Inquirers. I will do my best to help keep us inclusive,
in the tradition set by A Moving Journal.
Thank you all again for your kind words of being loved,
wanted and appreciation.
When the Blog letters started to arrive, I thought, ”Wow,
now I’m getting the praise I always wanted.”
Soon I realized what I really wanted was my own self-appreciation, and
that self-identifying myself as unloved, unwanted and unappreciated (UnUnUn)
was past trauma-derived history, and far from the reality of the woman and
artist I am now.
This is very personal
for me. I have felt UnUnUn and miserable
too much of my life. I didn’t know
then that the misery I thought was mine belonged to my Mother. As soon as she knew she was pregnant, she
tried to get rid of me. Of course. She was at that time unmarried, poor and
uneducated, a victim of the “Great” Depression.
Today I am preoccupied with the bad news of the current war
on women and the cruel attempts to do away with abortion, and birth
control. I am ardently pro-choice, and I honor women’s right to choose if and
when to have a child. I thank Planned
Parenthood for doing their best to ensure that every child will be a wanted
child.
The Blog letters have certainly given me a large dose of
feeling wanted, loved and appreciated. But I don’t want to be only the paragon
they imply. There are parts of me that
might be considered “negative” which I want to include. These parts interest
me mightily, and I‘m keeping them until I get all the good out of them.
Here
they are, so far:
HARPO I had 12 pictures of Harpo around before the
idea came that he was a projection I had not yet owned, a lusty,
mischievous Part of me.
My OBSTREPEROUS Self is BIG, LOUD and not NICE.
My DECREPIT Self donwanna always
have to stand up straight. She sometimes
likes to slump.
My ODDBALL Self is already one of
my favorites. She delights in Oddity,
mine and others’.
My FIEND Part is strong and
fierce, and wants me to be more extreme!
My TIRED AND PISSED Part is tired
and pissed about being old. She wants me
not to act like an old lady, but to summon up the young-ness I still have
plenty of.
My DISGRUNTLED Self wants me to
Speak Up! Loud and Resonant!
Now, about the value of making Positive Projections, you all! So many of the lovely things you said about
me are also you talking about yourself.
So don’t give it all to
me. “How is that about you?”
Comments:
My brilliant part thinks you are BRILLIANT! And loves how we are loving more and more of our (selves) !
Can those selves become brilliant stars : ) Can the world and all it's parts somehow. Thankyou Aileen for using yourself and your life as a model for this!
I love you (and me), Lucy
You are such a wonderful mentor and light in our community! As I think of you I can see the twinkle in your eye, hear the vitality of your laugh, and sense the creativity and richness in your movement, your art, your writing, and your way of Be-ing…. un-afraid to be your true self, and to welcome and support wholeness in so many others! Imagining you awakens the delight I have felt as we met at conferences over the years, as freshly and vibrantly as if it were this morning!
I wish we lived closer so we could dance together more often! Meanwhile, I join so many others in our wonderful community in celebrating your deep wisdom, profound curiosity and creativity, authenticity, compassion, playfulness, courage, and so much more!
And here’s to all of ‘un’ things you spoke about, the flint for life’s fire, that called us to this wild and sacred practice in the first place, and keep us dancing! ☺
With much respect & appreciation,
Love,
Tina Stromsted